1
00:00:03,268 --> 00:00:05,937
[♪]
2
00:01:15,207 --> 00:01:16,607
Well, all right, mom.
3
00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:19,344
I guess we've talked about
everyone we care about, heh,
4
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:21,312
So there's no one left
to talk about.
5
00:01:21,947 --> 00:01:23,748
Al?
6
00:01:25,384 --> 00:01:27,685
Al who?
7
00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:29,687
Oh. Oh, al.
8
00:01:29,688 --> 00:01:31,122
[chuckles]
9
00:01:31,123 --> 00:01:33,525
Well, he's mad because
there's a streetlight out
10
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:36,727
And there's a pothole right
in front of the driveway.
11
00:01:36,728 --> 00:01:40,898
Yeah, so naturally, I have to be
alert for when he comes home.
12
00:01:40,899 --> 00:01:43,901
Well, when he beeps his horn,
I'm supposed to run out there
13
00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:45,437
And shine this flashlight
14
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,238
So that
he doesn't hit the pothole.
15
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:50,641
[horn honks]
16
00:01:50,642 --> 00:01:53,811
No. I don't mind doin'
those little things for him.
17
00:01:54,746 --> 00:01:56,948
[horn honks]
18
00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:59,984
You know, I mean,
he is my husband.
19
00:02:00,986 --> 00:02:02,520
[crash]
20
00:02:03,889 --> 00:02:05,623
[horn blaring]
21
00:02:05,624 --> 00:02:07,358
Well, mom, I better be goin'.
22
00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:08,926
Al will be home any minute.
23
00:02:09,962 --> 00:02:11,529
Okay. Bye.
24
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:29,580
Hi, honey.
25
00:02:29,581 --> 00:02:31,883
Why'd you bring the steering
wheel into the house?
26
00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:34,552
Well, I figured since it isn't
attached to the car anymore,
27
00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:37,122
I thought maybe you'd like
to cook it up for dinner.
28
00:02:37,923 --> 00:02:39,124
By the way...
29
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,226
I beeped, you know.
30
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,327
Liar.
31
00:02:43,328 --> 00:02:45,096
You know,
you always do that,
32
00:02:45,097 --> 00:02:47,431
Say you did something
when you really didn't.
33
00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:49,467
And it's not
just sex either.
34
00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:53,671
Peg, when you married me,
35
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:57,075
Was it premeditated
or a drive-by marriage?
36
00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:58,509
What difference
does it make?
37
00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,944
I missed.
38
00:02:59,945 --> 00:03:01,980
Well, look, at least,
did you call the city
39
00:03:01,981 --> 00:03:04,048
And tell them about
the pothole and the light?
40
00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:06,251
Al, I told you
I would do that
41
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,286
When I got off the phone
with mom.
42
00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:10,255
I asked you that
this morning.
43
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,623
Well, I just got off
the phone with her.
44
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:16,694
Thank you, my little
"air ball at the buzzer."
45
00:03:16,695 --> 00:03:19,130
Thankfully,
I anticipated
46
00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:22,467
Your chimpanzee-like
attention to detail,
47
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:24,436
And I composed
this little letter
48
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:25,570
To the city.
49
00:03:25,571 --> 00:03:28,640
Well, gee. Where'd you
find time to do that?
50
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,941
Wasn't today "dusting
the black loafers" day?
51
00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:32,710
[chuckles]
52
00:03:32,711 --> 00:03:34,779
Ah, homework.
Can a man have too much fun?
53
00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:37,148
Now, tell me
how this sounds.
54
00:03:37,149 --> 00:03:39,384
See, the key to dealing
with the city is that
55
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,852
You have to subtly influence
their way of thought
56
00:03:41,853 --> 00:03:45,456
By using the most
diplomatic language.
57
00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:48,125
"dear maggots and
foul bureaucrats...
58
00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:51,095
...I pay taxes."
59
00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:55,199
They'll never check.
60
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,235
"you grafting pigs use my money
to wine and dine cheap bimbos,
61
00:03:58,236 --> 00:04:02,006
"never once thinking to share
them with the rest of us.
62
00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:03,775
"so please fix the hole
in my driveway
63
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,242
"and the streetlight
above it,
64
00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:06,877
"and for
the thousandth time,
65
00:04:06,878 --> 00:04:07,878
"please...
66
00:04:07,879 --> 00:04:10,214
"annul my marriage.
67
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,185
Signed, a voter."
68
00:04:15,987 --> 00:04:17,722
They'll never check.
69
00:04:19,024 --> 00:04:20,257
[sighs]
70
00:04:26,965 --> 00:04:30,635
Mom, dad, I am in love.
71
00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:36,875
He is the greatest guy
that I have ever met.
72
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:37,942
Oh, right.
73
00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,578
That's why
you're home at 9:00.
74
00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:43,281
Well, he likes to get me home
because he is a gentleman.
75
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:45,983
And he cares about me
because I am a nice girl.
76
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:47,652
[both laughing]
77
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:51,088
Kelly, it's not that
we don't believe you,
78
00:04:51,089 --> 00:04:53,791
It's just that...
We don't believe in love.
79
00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:57,762
That's why
our marriage works.
80
00:04:57,763 --> 00:04:59,064
[both laughing]
81
00:05:00,966 --> 00:05:02,400
That's enough
now, peg.
82
00:05:04,102 --> 00:05:07,372
Oh, but, honey,
maybe love will work for you.
83
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,541
[snickers]
84
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,343
Go ahead,
tell us all about him.
85
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,812
Well, there isn't
really much to tell.
86
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,414
A-a-a-ahem, a-a-ahem, a-a-ahem.
87
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:23,120
Once again my dear sister
is prone to understatement.
88
00:05:23,121 --> 00:05:25,623
But if you want
this reporter's opinion,
89
00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:28,426
I shall now open
the bidding at, uh, $10.
90
00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:32,864
Shut up, bud.
He's not that old.
91
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:40,772
Okay.
Spill your guts.
92
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,440
He's 41.
93
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:49,713
You are dating a man
old enough to be my father?
94
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,652
Peg, she's not
dating lincoln.
95
00:05:57,155 --> 00:05:59,691
Now, pumpkin, sit over
here next to daddy.
96
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:04,261
Honey, just how much
have you loved this man?
97
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,733
Daddy, you know I'm not
that kind of girl.
98
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:10,535
A-a-a-ahem--
99
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:13,805
Ahem...
100
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,708
Now, don't get
the wrong idea.
101
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,142
He's not like you.
102
00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:21,078
He's a young 41.
103
00:06:21,079 --> 00:06:22,881
I mean, he can still
get out of a chair
104
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:26,250
Without going,
"ugh, agh, ugh."
105
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:30,087
And he's
really sweet.
106
00:06:30,088 --> 00:06:32,156
You know
what he calls me?
107
00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:33,725
His "little
squeeze toy."
108
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:34,792
[laughing]
109
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:37,228
[chuckling]
110
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:44,001
Gee, I'd love
to meet him.
111
00:06:44,002 --> 00:06:46,137
You'll be nice to him,
won't you, daddy?
112
00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:47,405
Uh, don't worry, pumpkin,
113
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,273
I'll show him
the same kind of respect
114
00:06:49,274 --> 00:06:51,709
That any father would
show a 41-year-old man
115
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,778
Who dates
his teenage daughter.
116
00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:56,647
Daddy,
you're the best.
117
00:06:56,648 --> 00:06:57,848
[chuckling]
118
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:01,752
Now, look, I've been on hold
for three hours,
119
00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:04,555
Listening to the muzak version
of "muskrat love."
120
00:07:07,392 --> 00:07:09,861
Now, I voted for mayor...
121
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,030
Mccheese
or whatever his name is...
122
00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:15,533
...And I will wait no longer.
123
00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:18,169
Now, I have a streetlight out
and a pothole.
124
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:20,204
I want you to put down
your nail polish
125
00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:23,407
And sashay
your fat bureaucratic behind...
126
00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:29,413
That's right,
your fat bureaucratic behind
127
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:30,614
Into his honor's office
128
00:07:30,615 --> 00:07:32,684
And you tell him
that al bundy is on the--
129
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:34,351
Hello?
130
00:07:39,958 --> 00:07:41,859
Hello, operator?
This is al bundy.
131
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:42,894
I would--
132
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,361
Hello?!
133
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:46,831
[sobbing]
134
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,600
Am I truly nothing?
135
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:52,170
Could the neighborhood children
be right?
136
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,707
Gee, what's
the matter, honey?
137
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,308
Well, I called
the mayor's office,
138
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:59,010
And as soon as I told them
I was al bundy--
139
00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:00,311
Where's the tv guide?
140
00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:03,280
[door closes]
141
00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:04,916
Oh, honey,
142
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,018
That's probably kelly
with her new boyfriend.
143
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:09,921
Come on. Take care of him fast,
like you do me.
144
00:08:15,527 --> 00:08:18,062
Mom, dad?
This is harry.
145
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:19,096
Kill him, honey.
146
00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:23,067
I didn't know
kelly had a sister.
147
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:24,468
Oh. Wait a second.
148
00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:27,438
Towel off, peg.
149
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:30,608
Hi, harry. Uh...
150
00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:32,042
Would you
lift your chin up
151
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,312
And move it slightly
to the right, please?
152
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,814
You know, you got quite
a pothole in front, al.
153
00:08:36,815 --> 00:08:39,117
Yeah, I know. It's just
about to be filled.
154
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:41,152
Why don't you let me
take care of it for ya?
155
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:46,991
This is harry ashland.
156
00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:48,192
Look, there's a pothole
157
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:50,828
In front of 9764 jeopardy lane.
158
00:08:50,829 --> 00:08:52,696
I want it fixed right away.
159
00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:55,900
Consider it taken care of.
160
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:58,403
[scoffs]
yeah, right.
161
00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:00,471
I been callin',
I been writin' letters.
162
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:02,540
There's no way in the world
the city's gonna be--
163
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,341
[jackhammer rattling]
164
00:09:07,946 --> 00:09:09,547
Hey, look,
everybody.
165
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,182
It's the city.
They're workin'.
166
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:14,018
Peg, they're fixi''
my pothole.
167
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:15,853
They must've got
one of my letters!
168
00:09:15,854 --> 00:09:17,488
I knew I could do it!
169
00:09:18,056 --> 00:09:19,757
Have a banana, al.
170
00:09:21,126 --> 00:09:22,794
How'd you do that?
171
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:23,894
I'm an alderman.
172
00:09:23,895 --> 00:09:25,596
That's a priest.
173
00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:31,135
No, actually, it's like
a city councilman.
174
00:09:31,136 --> 00:09:34,404
Well, then, why did you want me
to call you "father"?
175
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:42,313
Never mind that now.
176
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:45,582
Wait a second.
I recognize this guy.
177
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,784
Hey, you're the guy
178
00:09:46,785 --> 00:09:48,986
Everyone says is gonna be
the future mayor.
179
00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:50,922
Well...
Uh, gee, al...
180
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,823
Don't ya think it might be
against the law
181
00:09:52,824 --> 00:09:55,226
To go beatin' up somebody--
shut up, peg.
182
00:09:56,995 --> 00:09:58,629
[chuckles]
harry...
183
00:09:58,630 --> 00:09:59,931
I got a streetlight out.
184
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,498
I'd hate to bother you
with it now,
185
00:10:01,499 --> 00:10:03,233
But what the heck,
we're almost family.
186
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:04,234
Here, sit down.
187
00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:06,336
Peg, our finest
glass of kool-aid
188
00:10:06,337 --> 00:10:08,439
For the future mayor here.
189
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,208
Al, can I see you
for a second?
190
00:10:11,209 --> 00:10:12,843
I'll be right back.
Um...
191
00:10:12,844 --> 00:10:15,379
Play with
our daughter.
192
00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:17,882
Kelly!
193
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,450
Dance for the man.
194
00:10:20,385 --> 00:10:22,386
What? What?
195
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:23,721
You know,
I cannot believe
196
00:10:23,722 --> 00:10:26,290
That you would put a pothole
before your daughter.
197
00:10:26,291 --> 00:10:28,593
Peg, we can always
have another daughter.
198
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,027
But as we both know,
199
00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:32,563
This is the car I'm gonna have
for the rest of my life.
200
00:10:32,564 --> 00:10:33,931
I must protect it.
201
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:36,033
Besides, this guy's
gonna be mayor.
202
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:37,902
And if kelly gets
in good with him,
203
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:41,839
Who knows, maybe someday I'll
be the future mayor-in-law. Huh?
204
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,407
Think about it,
anything I want.
205
00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:45,676
Huh, peg? Free doughnuts,
free parking.
206
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:47,244
Just like the police!
207
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,717
Well, we could speed
and make u-turns.
208
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:53,851
And litter.
209
00:10:53,852 --> 00:10:55,552
And park
in the handicapped zone!
210
00:10:55,553 --> 00:10:56,954
[laughs]
oh, al.
211
00:10:57,722 --> 00:10:59,656
Mom, dad,
what do you think?
212
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:00,758
Isn't he great?
213
00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:02,360
We're gonna
go out now, okay?
214
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,962
Not dressed like that
you're not.
215
00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:05,963
Just a second.
216
00:11:10,835 --> 00:11:12,937
There you go.
217
00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:14,171
That's better.
218
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,247
Thank your husband
for getting our sewer fixed.
219
00:11:23,248 --> 00:11:25,349
It is a pleasure
to serve our neighbors.
220
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,883
Oh...
221
00:11:26,884 --> 00:11:28,919
Ahhh...
222
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,187
[sighs]
223
00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:35,892
You know...
224
00:11:35,893 --> 00:11:37,294
It's amazing.
225
00:11:37,295 --> 00:11:38,762
The city has
fixed the hole,
226
00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:40,297
Fixed
the streetlight,
227
00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:41,965
Picked up
our garbage,
228
00:11:41,966 --> 00:11:43,567
Planted the grass,
229
00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:44,668
Trimmed the hedges
230
00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:46,637
And your daddy's
nose hairs.
231
00:11:48,106 --> 00:11:51,142
And it's incredible
we have kelly to thank.
232
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:53,010
You know,
all these years,
233
00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:55,912
We thought that you would be
the success in the family.
234
00:11:55,913 --> 00:11:57,948
Boy, was I wrong.
235
00:12:00,084 --> 00:12:02,520
Well, gee, maybe I should
throw on a pair of speedos
236
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:04,855
And parade around
in front of sandra day o'connor.
237
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:07,591
Hey! It might mean a condo
238
00:12:07,592 --> 00:12:09,227
By the white house
for the family.
239
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,762
Would that
make you guys proud?
240
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:13,630
Oh, we're proud
of you, uh...
241
00:12:13,631 --> 00:12:16,433
Uh...
242
00:12:16,434 --> 00:12:18,302
Help me out here.
243
00:12:18,303 --> 00:12:19,570
Bud.
244
00:12:19,571 --> 00:12:20,871
Yeah, whatever.
245
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:22,707
[chuckles]
246
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,708
[sighs]
247
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:28,813
Here's my little girl.
248
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:30,347
Mom, I'm going out
with harry.
249
00:12:30,348 --> 00:12:32,917
Uh, not dressed like that
you're not.
250
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,551
Come here.
251
00:12:34,552 --> 00:12:36,020
Let's see.
252
00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:40,124
There.
253
00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:42,026
That's better.
254
00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,027
Bye, mom.
255
00:12:43,595 --> 00:12:45,295
Oh, uh, bud,
256
00:12:45,296 --> 00:12:47,431
Keep gettin'
those good grades.
257
00:12:47,432 --> 00:12:49,567
It'll really pay off
in the real world.
258
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:51,134
[both laugh]
259
00:12:53,204 --> 00:12:54,838
Ohhh...
260
00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:56,206
My little girl.
261
00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:57,841
And to think,
because of her,
262
00:12:57,842 --> 00:13:01,379
We may one day be living
in the mayor's mansion.
263
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:02,847
Come on, he's not
gonna marry kelly.
264
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,949
There's more to being
the mayor's wife
265
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,852
Than dancing around
naked on tables.
266
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,820
Now, bud,
don't be jealous.
267
00:13:09,821 --> 00:13:11,789
You're both
our children.
268
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:15,993
It's just that kelly's
our favorite now, that's all.
269
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,667
[knocking on door]
270
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,471
[humming]
271
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,211
Hi, peggy. We were wondering
if we could speak with al.
272
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:34,645
Well, I don't know.
273
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:35,947
He's been awfully busy.
274
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:37,414
Oh, please.
He's done so much
275
00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:39,317
For everyone else
in the neighborhood.
276
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,985
If he could spare us
a little time.
277
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,854
Please,
please, please?
278
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:45,656
Al [imitating don corleone]:
I'll speak to you.
279
00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:49,827
["the godfather" theme playing]
280
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:34,171
Peg, picture, please.
281
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,812
Oh, al.
Please help us.
282
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:44,047
The paperboy
shows us no respect.
283
00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:45,616
Well, we've complained,
284
00:14:45,617 --> 00:14:47,752
But still he throws our paper
in the sprinklers,
285
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:50,087
Crushing the flowers
we planted with care.
286
00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:52,890
He responds to our threats
with the bird.
287
00:14:56,661 --> 00:14:58,729
W-we have nowhere else
to turn, al.
288
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,400
You never come
to me as a friend.
289
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,704
When your wife
baked a pie,
290
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,005
I got no slice.
291
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:12,943
Now you want a favor.
292
00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:16,180
We were wrong.
293
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,215
We want your friendship.
294
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:28,825
It is well-known when I get
food, I can deny no favors.
295
00:15:31,796 --> 00:15:33,096
What can I do for you?
296
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:34,931
We seek no more
than justice.
297
00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:36,433
An eye for an eye.
298
00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:37,801
Kill him.
299
00:15:39,704 --> 00:15:41,672
This does not seem fair
but, rest assured,
300
00:15:41,673 --> 00:15:43,807
Your paper will be on your porch
in the morning.
301
00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,610
But remember...
302
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:49,112
Someday I may ask you
for a favor.
303
00:15:49,113 --> 00:15:51,649
This day may never come,
but...
304
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,183
We both know
it probably will.
305
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:57,321
When this day does come,
306
00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:59,289
You will respond
in true friendship.
307
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,359
Both:
Yes, al.
308
00:16:11,269 --> 00:16:13,270
Gee, that wasn't humiliating
or anything.
309
00:16:13,271 --> 00:16:14,839
Well, what's
the difference?
310
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,307
That 12-year-old punk
is gonna get what he deserves.
311
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,979
Al, don't you think
you're carrying this thing
312
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:24,648
A little too far?
313
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:27,017
Never ask me
about my business, peg.
314
00:16:31,422 --> 00:16:33,023
But this thing
about the neighbors
315
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,191
Bringing over food--
316
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:36,961
Small potatoes, peg.
317
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,763
What are you
saying, al?
318
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,898
[normal]
I'm saying pass
the small potatoes
319
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:42,566
Mrs. Ricketts
brought me.
320
00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,272
I love these things.
321
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,841
Besides, bundy favors
won't be comin' this cheap
322
00:16:50,842 --> 00:16:52,476
For very long, peg,
323
00:16:52,477 --> 00:16:55,612
Because the city shoe contract
is up for bid,
324
00:16:55,613 --> 00:16:56,914
The meter-maid shoes,
325
00:16:56,915 --> 00:17:00,885
And I, thanks to kelly,
got the inside track.
326
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:02,719
Oh, al.
327
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,522
You didn't come up with an idea
on your own, did you?
328
00:17:05,523 --> 00:17:07,091
I did.
329
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:10,227
I bought 10,000 pair
of meter-maid shoes.
330
00:17:10,228 --> 00:17:11,095
I talked to harry.
331
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,364
The contract is
practically mine.
332
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,867
You're looking at the meter-maid
foot king of chicago, baby.
333
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:18,202
[laughing]
334
00:17:21,506 --> 00:17:23,240
Excuse me, mom...
335
00:17:24,442 --> 00:17:26,677
But 10,000
meter-maid shoes?
336
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,246
Kelly dating
a smart politician?
337
00:17:29,247 --> 00:17:31,648
You guys believing
an idea of this man
338
00:17:31,649 --> 00:17:33,417
Is gonna pay off?
339
00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:34,618
I mean,
am I the only one who sees
340
00:17:34,619 --> 00:17:36,520
The emperor has holes
in his underwear?
341
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:41,191
Bud, I know you've seen
a bundy failure
342
00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:42,459
Once or twice before,
343
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,595
But, bud, this time,
I'm telling you
344
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:45,962
It can't miss
because, bud,
345
00:17:45,963 --> 00:17:48,198
This time,
it's not just me.
346
00:17:48,199 --> 00:17:51,001
It's me and kelly.
347
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:57,574
I'll tell you what we'll do,
348
00:17:57,575 --> 00:17:58,742
Let's go shopping
349
00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:00,210
And spend
some of that money
350
00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:01,911
That's gonna come
rollin' in.
351
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:05,182
Well, before we go,
352
00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:07,584
I guess
what's bothering me
353
00:18:07,585 --> 00:18:10,320
Is that no one's including me
in the plans anymore.
354
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:12,156
I mean,
I'm not fredo.
355
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:16,293
Kelly's fredo.
356
00:18:16,294 --> 00:18:17,694
I'm the smart one.
357
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:20,797
Lately, you guys
have made me feel
358
00:18:20,798 --> 00:18:22,866
Like I'm not part
of the family anymore.
359
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:26,670
So if you'll just
tell me I'm overreacting
360
00:18:26,671 --> 00:18:28,939
Just a little bit--
361
00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:32,743
I'll tell you this,
362
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:35,813
I'm not letting you
take me fishing!
363
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:49,159
Look at it, peg.
364
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,161
The bundy empire.
365
00:18:51,162 --> 00:18:52,796
Tomorrow
we make delivery,
366
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:56,667
And we pick up
a check for $20,000.
367
00:18:56,668 --> 00:18:58,768
[whimpers]
oh, al.
368
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:01,405
What's wrong, peg?
369
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,740
Nothing.
370
00:19:03,741 --> 00:19:06,677
[gasps]
I think I just had
my first real orgasm.
371
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:13,783
[doorbell rings]
372
00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:22,525
H-here's your paper,
373
00:19:22,526 --> 00:19:24,861
And thank you for not
costing me my job.
374
00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:26,964
[imitating don corleone]
what do I owe you?
375
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,231
Oh, nothing, nothing.
376
00:19:28,232 --> 00:19:31,769
I-I paid for your paper
out of my own pocket.
377
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,570
This is good.
378
00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:35,872
Uh...
379
00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:38,575
Forgetting something?
380
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:49,352
[normal]
a whole buck!
381
00:19:49,353 --> 00:19:51,154
Get used to
living like this, peg.
382
00:19:51,155 --> 00:19:53,156
I'm tellin' ya,
I was born for this.
383
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:54,190
This is my decade.
384
00:19:54,191 --> 00:19:55,525
This is the bundy decade.
385
00:19:55,526 --> 00:19:57,027
Aw, al...
386
00:19:57,028 --> 00:19:58,595
Shhh, quiet, peg.
I'm ruminating.
387
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:00,697
I'm literally
drunk with power.
388
00:20:00,698 --> 00:20:01,698
Al...
389
00:20:01,699 --> 00:20:03,800
Ah, life is good.
390
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:05,435
But not for me.
391
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,138
Look, peg.
392
00:20:08,139 --> 00:20:10,473
More pictures on page three.
393
00:20:15,846 --> 00:20:17,381
Guess what, everybody.
394
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,683
I am on the front page
of the newspaper.
395
00:20:20,684 --> 00:20:22,419
How great is that?
396
00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:26,156
There are no words.
397
00:20:26,157 --> 00:20:28,492
Well, you could have
thrown me for a froot loop
398
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:30,327
When I heard
he was married, but...
399
00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:31,561
I guess the signs were there
400
00:20:31,562 --> 00:20:33,364
If you just know
how too recognize 'em.
401
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,865
The wedding ring,
402
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:39,136
The diapers in the back seat
of the station wagon.
403
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,438
The late-night calls from
that crazy woman going,
404
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:43,040
"stay away
from my husband,
405
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,775
You homewrecking
little tramp."
406
00:20:45,776 --> 00:20:46,843
Oh, well.
407
00:20:46,844 --> 00:20:48,112
"case of rum,
case of rum,"
408
00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:50,514
That's
what I always say.
409
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:53,750
But you'll be
glad to know
410
00:20:53,751 --> 00:20:56,853
That this time,
I am truly in love.
411
00:20:56,854 --> 00:20:59,556
I want you to meet
my new friend, salt water.
412
00:21:02,627 --> 00:21:04,895
Show daddy
what you can do.
413
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,340
Can I call you "dad"?
414
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:18,708
Isn't he great?
415
00:21:18,709 --> 00:21:20,377
And don't worry,
daddy.
416
00:21:20,378 --> 00:21:22,679
This one is single.
417
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,014
Bye.
418
00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:34,224
Peg...
419
00:21:34,225 --> 00:21:35,992
I spent
everything we got
420
00:21:35,993 --> 00:21:37,894
On this stuff here.
421
00:21:37,895 --> 00:21:39,162
What am I gonna do?
422
00:21:40,198 --> 00:21:41,598
Well...
423
00:21:41,599 --> 00:21:44,834
You could lead
the failure pride parade
424
00:21:44,835 --> 00:21:48,105
Atop a float
of meter-maid shoes.
425
00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:49,406
Or...
426
00:21:49,407 --> 00:21:51,475
Is that getting
into your business?
427
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:52,843
White crosses, sunlight,
428
00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:54,845
Nothin' works on you
anymore, does it?
429
00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:57,847
But I tell you...
430
00:21:57,848 --> 00:22:00,617
There are other forces
at work here.
431
00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:02,886
Other dark, evil things.
432
00:22:03,555 --> 00:22:04,954
If I had my wish,
433
00:22:04,955 --> 00:22:06,223
It would be
to get my hands
434
00:22:06,224 --> 00:22:09,626
On the foul, loathsome demon
that took those pictures
435
00:22:09,627 --> 00:22:12,696
And caused the downfall
of the bundy family.
436
00:22:14,765 --> 00:22:16,833
[whistling]
437
00:22:39,490 --> 00:22:41,958
[♪]